Episode 21: Presence Is Never Wasted
- Tina Boogren
- Jan 25
- 6 min read
Description: As winter stretches on and energy feels low, Tina reflects on a powerful reminder: showing up matters. Inspired by the phrase “always go to the funeral,” this episode explores presence, social wellness, and the quiet impact of being there for others, especially when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. A gentle invitation to notice who might need you right now and to remember that presence is never wasted.
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Resources: Grace McCarrick and NPR's article by Deidre Sullivan.
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Transcription: Hi, and welcome to Everyday Wellness with Dr. Tina H. Boogren. I am your host, Dr. Tina Boogren, and I am just so, so very grateful that you are here. As this episode comes out, we are approaching the end of January, the very first month of 2026. And we're moving into what I think is, is just a hard time of year for all of us. I think the end of January and February, especially for those of us that live in places that tend to be a bit cold and a bit dark, this can be a challenging time of year. You know, that kind of let down after the holidays and we sometimes get all this momentum as we get 2026, the new year started, and then it kind of like, hmm, our life kind of goes back to a lot like it was the year before, it just can be a real challenge. So please know that if you're feeling that way, you are not alone. I see you. And we've got this. And remember, that's the whole point of this podcast. What are some teeny, tiny little things that we can do to just help our everyday wellness? In other words, how can we live our best lives on a daily basis in teeny tiny little ways?
And so this invitation, the title of this is Always Go to the Funeral. Now don't panic. It's not a morbid episode. This actually comes from a TikTok that Adrienne shared with me a little while ago from Grace McCarrick is her name. She actually attributes this back to an article that was on NPR by Deirdre Sullivan. But the idea of this is presence. The idea of always going to the funeral is about showing up. It's about this quiet, deeply human moment that, these moments, these moments where we realize they matter so much more than we even think about. Especially when life feels heavy or it's too cold outside or it's dark or we're feeling just overwhelmed.
So I kind of went down this rabbit hole of looking up that phrase and “the always go to the funeral” phrase, it gets attributed to a lot of people actually, coaches, mentors, grandparents, leaders. But the reminder, no matter where it's coming from, is the reminder that showing up matters, showing up for others matters.
This is part of our social wellness, right? Showing up matters. Even when, especially when it's inconvenient or it's uncomfortable or we don't know exactly what to say because funerals, whether literal or we can think of it metaphorically, are moments when people don't need fixing. What they need is someone to be a witness and to kind of hold space with them.
And so those of us that have been around for a while, we know this. We don't remember, you know, the perfect card or the perfect email, or the flawless advice that someone gave us. What we remember is who showed up. We remember who showed up. We know life has these seasons, right, where things can feel really urgent. There's work deadlines and family responsibilities and travel or commitments or expectations. And in those seasons it's really, really easy to convince ourselves, to tell ourselves this story of, ah, they'll understand if I don't go, someone else will be there, or I don't know what to say, I am too tired. I'm just going to make it worse.
But here's what I know, is that presence is never wasted. You know, I've missed things that I've regretted terribly. I've gone and maybe I didn't stay the whole time, and that's okay. I know that I never quite know the perfect thing to say, but what I do know is that I can offer a hug, quiet company, that hand on the back that we talk about a lot. And every time that I've been able to show up, even when it was hard or uncomfortable or inconvenient, or I was nervous or I was scared, I left knowing that showing up matters.
So here's what I want you to think about. It's not just about the funeral, right? It's just about that social wellness that really is anchored in strong relationships, built on trust and support. So think about, you know, the coworker whose parent is sick, the friend going through a divorce, the colleague who you're watching kind of quietly burnout, the child who didn't make the team, or didn't get invited. The student who's struggling but doesn't have the words. There's a lot of, kind of, these small funerals in our lives, dreams that didn't pan out, chapters that quietly closed. People who are grieving past versions of themselves.
And so we're not talking here about, kind of a literal funeral where we show up in a black outfit and a sympathy card. These types of moments might be just sitting beside someone at lunch. Sending the text that says “I'm thinking of you.” Showing up even when you don't know what to say or you feel awkward. How about listening without trying to solve, just listening? All of those things count.
Let's ask ourselves this question. If I look back on this season of my life, will I be glad I showed up here? And my guess is that the answer is yes when it involves someone that we care about and they need us. Even though it's not necessarily convenient for us right now at this exact moment. We're going to regret not showing up.
So let's just remind ourselves that we need each other. We need each other, especially at the end of January as we're looking into February. And it might be cold and it might be dark, and it might be hard to leave the house and we might just want to stay under the blanket. But man, if someone needs us. They need us. And so that's my invitation for you this week and myself as well, is to just kind of pause and look around to check in and the people around you and think about, does anyone need you right now? Is there someone that maybe quietly has just kind of moved to the background and you're like, uh oh, I need to check in with them. And don't tell yourself the story I tell myself sometimes, oh, I'm sure they're fine. I'm sure everything's fine. Instead, check in, double check. Just those small little moments, that presence, let's offer that up this week, let's just do a pause and an audit and a check in with our people and let's show up. Let's show up. Let's think about, you know, the good that we can offer others and lean into that as a gift to others, and it's also going to feel really good for ourself, right? This is kind of that, that altruism, another way to think about that. And it matters. It matters a lot.
I'm sending you such big love this week and for the people around you. I'm so grateful, for you and for this community that we have built together. And just feel my hand on your back as you move through the week and know that I'm cheering so stinking hard for you. And let's, let's show up for each other. Let's show up. Let's always go to the funeral.
With that, I'm going to say thank you to Solution Tree, Marzano Resources, and Adrienne Turner who help make this Everyday Wellness a reality. To all of you, this incredible community of listeners, I'm so grateful for you. Keep doing the hard work. Feel me cheering for you. You've got this. You've so got this. Make it a great week.
If this episode resonated with you, find more social wellness episodes here.