Episode 32: Who Are Your People?

Description: We don’t need a large circle of close relationships to feel supported, we need the right people. In this episode, Tina reflects on the small group of people we turn to when something good or hard happens. This invitation encourages you to identify those relationships, appreciate them, and intentionally nurture the connections that matter most.

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Resources: Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

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Transcription: Hi everyone, and welcome to Everyday Wellness with Dr. Tina H Boogren. I am your host, Tina Boogren, and I am so, so, so happy that you are here. Welcome everyone. I hope that you've been putting in place the invitations from the last few weeks, and you're feeling grounded and joyful, and your nervous system feels a little bit better maybe, and you've tapped into your creative side and I just, I just picture you and I just want good things for you.

Let's take a minute and get ourselves fully present like we typically do, and I want you to just get yourself grounded. So maybe get your feet on the ground and relax your shoulders, relax your jaw. Take a nice deep breath in through your nose and out your mouth.

Good. Thanks for being here and thanks for being fully here. So this week's invitation, this is, did I say this? It's episode 32. Can you tell I do this in one take? So it's episode 32. This week's invitation is gonna fall under the umbrella of social wellness. What I've been thinking about a lot lately is about the people in our lives who help us stay steady. We, of course, you know, can think about, hopefully we've got this kind of wider circle of acquaintances and colleagues or people that we see occasionally. That's not who I'm thinking of for this. What I want us to think about for this is who are our people, that when something happens, good or bad, before we really even process it ourselves, there's this thought of I need to tell… and that name, or those couple of names show up almost immediately. Sometimes it's one name, sometimes it's two, maybe it's three. It's rarely a long list of people.

I just have noticed this recently. So a couple good things have been happening and nothing, nothing huge, but just where you feel excited and your first instinct is that you wanna share it. And so reaching for my phone, I already knew who I needed to text and that felt really good. And then not long after that, something really frustrating happened, really frustrating. And one of those same, that feeling of, like that moment of, “Ugh, I got to talk it through with someone!” and I realized that I was reaching for the same people again. And that reminded me of something that I'd kind of forgotten about, and it's the idea that I learned from Brené Brown, who we love, that idea of who is in your square squad. Your square squad. 

So the idea here is super simple. So imagine drawing a one inch by one inch square on a piece of paper. That's how many people you can realistically fit inside the group whose opinions truly matter to you. That's not a dozen people. It's not even 10 people. That is a very small handful of people who have earned the right to hear your story. These are the people that get the unfiltered version, the ones who celebrate your wins without jealousy. These are the ones that can hear that you are struggling and not immediately jump in to fix you or minimize that feeling. I love that image of the square squad, right, of that one inch by one inch square on a piece of paper. Because it takes so much pressure off this idea that we're supposed to have this enormous circle of close relationships. You know, social media can sometimes kind of skew this. Most of us don't, and honestly, most of us don't need to. And the older I get, I feel like the smaller my squad gets. And I love that actually. That feels really good. 

Because when you think about it, the people who anchor us tend to be pretty few. The ones that can absorb the good and hold space for the hard stuff too, that’s typically kind of a small group. These are the ones in our lives that know enough of our history that we don't have to start every story from the beginning. We can just kind of jump in and they're there. These are the people that truly understand our personality, our rhythms, and help us see our blind spots. The ones who can hear our voice on the phone and say, “Okay, what's really going on here?” 

Again, the older I get, the more I appreciate these relationships. I have this with, I'm really lucky, with my partner, with my spouse. But there's something about a group of girlfriends that's a little bit different and I'm so grateful for that. I actually have this with my parents as well. I feel really lucky for that too. But again, there's just a little bit of a difference when we think about just these different relationships. And for this right here, I'm talking specifically about our friends because life gets complicated and we go through stages, or at least I have with my friends where, you know, depending on what age we are, gosh, there's a stage where everyone is just absolutely crushed by kids' schedules and work schedules and everything else. And then here I am at 50 in my fifties and what I love is there's just girlfriends that we are kind of finding our way back to each other because there's a little bit more space. Kids have grown up. There's just kind of a consistency and steadiness with our jobs perhaps that we've just maybe also gotten to this place where we realize how essential female friendships in particular are. And so we're really prioritizing it. But again, it's a small group and the square squad and I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love knowing who gets the call when something wonderful happens and when something falls apart. And I love that I can be that person for them as well. 

And so I want you to start thinking about that for yourself. Who's in your square squad? Who are your people? If you paused for a minute right now and thought about it, whose names would land in that square? Who do you reach for when something exciting happens or when something hard happens? Sometimes actually those could be different people, but a lot of times they're the same person. You know, when I think about it, sometimes there's someone who's really amazing at celebrating with you, and then it's someone different who's really especially good at sitting with the messy parts. 

But no matter what that number typically is pretty small, and I think that's how it's supposed to be. I think that's exactly what Brené Brown is talking about. And so I hope that we all have this square squad. That again, it means that somewhere out there, someone might have you in their square squad and someone might be carrying your name around as one of the people that they trust with their real life. The person they call when something matters, the person they text when they need perspective, the person who feels safe. And I think that's a really, really meaningful role to play in someone's life. 

Social wellness isn't just about receiving support, although that really matters a lot. It's also about being the kind of person who can hold that space for someone else. And I know the squad is filled with people that do just that. And I'm grateful for all of you. So think about your square squad. I love that name, right? I love good alliteration. The people whose voices matter to you. And maybe you just send a little text right now that says, “Hey, I've been thinking about you. I'm really grateful for you. Thanks for being part of my square squad.” And you call it out, you name it. You send a couple of those texts and you put a little kind of truce together that you will be each other's square squad and kind of what that means. And at the very least, just expressing gratitude for that. I love that idea. So let's lean into that social wellness this week. Identify, reach out, express gratitude for your square squad. Make it a great week. 

I’m cheering so, so, so hard for you. I'm just so grateful for each of you. Thanks for listening. Thank you for sharing this podcast with others. Remember, we have really widened our circle. Anyone and everyone is welcome, caregivers, educators, people who carry a lot. We want all of you here. We want all of you here. So thanks for tuning in each week and sharing this. As always, so stinking grateful for our girl Adrienne, who gets this to all of you. Thank you to Solution Tree and Marzano Resources for this job I get to do and to you this badass Everyday Wellness squad. You're the best. You're the absolute best. I'm so grateful for you. I'm cheering so hard for you. Make it an amazing week. I love you.

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If this episode resonated with you, find more social wellness episodes here.